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Joan Rivers Quotes Date: Sent Monday, November 17, 2025 Category: None

Rating: 3.67/5 (6 votes) Click a button to cast your vote

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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.

You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.

A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.

You know it's time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to 'Ripley's believe it or not' - they sent it back and said, "we don't believe it."

I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.

I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.

You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.

Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.

Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.

My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.

- From AZquotes.com

Received from Wayne Onaka.