GCFL.net: Good, Clean Funnies List
Quick Search
 Welcome
 How To Help Us
>View Funnies
 Archive Index
 Search Funnies
 Mailing List
 Site Map
 News
 FAQ
 Contact Us
 Reprints

Receive the Daily Funny Email


Make a donation with PayPal

View Funnies Friday, May 17, 2024

Previous Funny
Previous
Funny
Email to a Friend
Email to
a Friend
Archive Index
Archive
Index
Go to Random Funny
Random
Funny
Printer friendly
Printer
friendly
Next Funny
Next
Funny

A Primer for Accordion Beginners
Date: Sent Friday, April 27, 2007
Category: None
Rating: 2.04/5 (379 votes)
Click a button to cast your vote
012345

Get an accordion. The cheaper the better because they all sound the same.

Do not tell anyone what you have done -- it will only cause them to worry. They will find out soon enough.

Take the accordion out of the case and strap it on. It is better if the accordion rests on your chest instead of your back but, for the first few weeks, it doesn't really make that much difference.

For sounds to be produced, three things must happen: The bellows must be moving in or out. One or more of the keys or buttons must be pressed. All potential weapons within a one-mile radius must be collected and secured.

The third is the most important.

The buttons on the left side are chord buttons. The "C" button has a dimple or nipple so you can find it without looking. (This is a safety feature. Before it was invented, thousands of accordion players suffered painful and sometimes disabling injuries, much to the delight of the general public.)

Never use more than three buttons. "Professional" accordionists appear to be using lots of buttons, but they are actually just desperately trying to find the darned "C."

By the way, "Professional" means they have learned to smile while they do it.

Play the black and white keys. The high notes are at the bottom and the low notes are at the top. (That arrangement isn't supposed to make any sense. Accept it.)

Note: If you find the high notes at the top and the low notes at the bottom, you have either put the accordion on upside down or you have tried to repair it yourself. If the former, turn the accordion over. If the latter, pack your accordion up with hundreds of dollars and mail it far away for a long, long time.

Continue playing until someone begs you to stop or threatens your life, whichever comes first.

Put the accordion back in its case, order an accordion t-shirt, and wear it to your state's Accordion Fest.

Received from Cathy Gilstrap.


© Copyright 1996-2024, GCFL.net.
Make a donation with PayPal