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A Few Quips Date: Sent Wednesday, July 20, 2005 Category: None

Rating: 3.03/5 (289 votes) Click a button to cast your vote

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This is my first day out of mourning. My cousin died. He was a dyslexic policeman who had a heart attack. They found him by the phone trying to dial 119. - Joan Rivers

I learned something the other day. I learned the Jehovah's Witnesses do not celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't like strangers going up to their door and annoying them. --Bruce Clark

Did you hear about those two students in New York who sued Pace University because the math in their computer course was too hard? They won $1,000, but actually, the school got the last laugh. They gave the kids $700 and told them it was $1,000. - Jay Leno

Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: "Basement?" - Rodney Dangerfield

The only time you don't need a prenuptial is if he has no children...he's got a bad cough and a walker. --Ivana Trump (on ex-husband Donald)

It's good to be back in New York but the crime situation has gotten bad. When I was getting off the plane the pilot was putting the 'club' on the steering wheel. - John Mendoza

What a life. When I was a kid I asked my dad if I could go ice skating. He told me to wait until it gets warmer. -- Rodney Dangerfield

The last time I tried to get into the normal work force the guy told me I had to wear high heels. I'll wear the high heels but I am going to need a handicapped parking space. -- Margaret Smith

Received from Scott Neville.